[Kaitlyn S]

First, let me say that those of you who have been telling me I should try the team games are absolutely right. I enjoy playing against good competition and in 3 matches today I played against 6 pleasant opponents as well as decent players.

Those of you who want to work on a partnership and improve should definitely try it As I was browsing the team tables, there were plenty of team matches featuring intermediate players and even a beginner (albeit probably a pretty serious one.) Don't be scared off - you may not win, but as long as you like your partner you should enjoy yourself and you can't help but improve.

Now, on to the intended topic. The following all seem like good reasons to send a BBO-mail to your partner.

Maybe you enjoyed playing with this person who you just met and would like to let him/her know that you'd like to do it again.

Maybe you're interested in a more serious partnership and want to discuss bidding sequences or conventions (and by discuss, I mean "I like to play weak jump shifts showing no more than 4 HCP" or "I think it makes sense to agree that the 4NT in today's sequence should be quantitative because if I wanted to ask for aces, I would have..." but definitely NOT "I think your 3S bid was outrageous and there was no way we could get a good result after that.".

Maybe you want to let your partner know when you are available for other team games.

Maybe you just want to make his day and tell him how how impressed you were with how he played 4 spades doubled on that last hand.

I'm pretty sure that you don't send your partner a message asking how they could possibly make such a bid, and if you do, you don't follow it up with another one saying that she threw away 14 IMPs. For when you do, your poor partner, who might have been playing in her first team game here, is fully aware that you were leading going into the last board, and if her bid was really bad, how do you think she feels that she single-handedly took her entire team down - and wouldn't you think the compassionate thing to do is to not make her feel any worse about it?

I'm saying this simply because I wouldn't ever dream of doing such a thing but apparently there are those that would do that and I'm just telling you that you really shouldn't do it. Not just because it isn't nice, but especially for the reason I am about to point out.

Because when you're mulling over the hands tomorrow, it might occur to you (because you're an expert, after all) that maybe you shouldn't have blasted to slam on a balanced 19-count including a doubleton queen opposite a partner that showed 7-9 points and could be balanced. And just how are you going to feel when you realize that the person who you sent two messages about losing the match to might not have been a major contributing factor to the loss?

This may sound like a rant but I think it has far reaching implications. Any time you're ready to jump on your partner for some bid or defensive play, you should ask yourself first if you did anything to contribute to your partner's misconception I've seen many instances in the Main Bridge Club where some "expert" is berating his partner for some bid when the "expert" was really the one who caused the rot. Happily, I think this happens more often to my opponents but I don't really like to see the innocent party berated. Maybe your bidding showed something you don't have and you're too ignorant to know what you've showed (having offered to play partner's profile, you're playing some convention that you don't know all the ramifications of. It's understandable, but it might really be your fault.)

While I'm at it, there are other things that are just as bad IMO as berating partner. You don't like what partner did so you just leave and let partner bid or defend the rest of the deal with a robot. It's pretty obvious when that happens. The funny thing is, I have seen many instances where one opponent left in a huff in the middle of the hand and his partner had done nothing wrong! In many instances, the one that leaves in a huff sees partner make some really odd bid but it turns out that partner was playing a very common convention that he assumed that you, as an expert, would know - and since you said his profile was fine (or didn't say anything when your partner said "My profile?"), he is perfectly right to assume you know the convention.

But again, let me reiterate - try those team games, and definitely bring your partner. For those partners constantly are sitting opposite empty seats in the Main Bridge Club are also sitting opposite empty seats in the team games, and you will get one of them if you just show up. One of the experts (NOT the one who sent me the "You lost us the match" BBO-mails) overcalled at the two level on queen-jack-fourth and blamed me for the bad final contract (silly me, I raised on three!), and decided the way to handle a 3-4-4-2 15-count was to open 1D and reverse to 2H after hearing 1S from me; again chastising me for the result. So, the take away from this is:

1) You should try team games if you have any aspirations beyond playing casual bridge, and

2) You should definitely show up with a partner that you like to play with

3) Before criticizing partner, you should follow these 2 rules;
(a) Don't.
(b) If in doubt, see part (a).

And if you break either of those rules and it turns out you were wrong, you so deserve the feeling you get.

4) There is one situation, and only one situation, that you should send your partner a BBO-mail that he made a bad bid. The situation? You are a mentor, paid or otherwise, and your partner totally expects you to let him know when he is doing something that he can improve upon, for he expects to learn from you.

[Vampyr]

Kaitlyn S, on 2016-August-30, 19:39, said:

1) You should try team real-life games if you have any aspirations beyond playing casual bridge, and

[Kaitlyn S]

There are many players whose real-life bridge cannot compare with the skill level found here - those in rural areas or countries where bridge isn't popular.

I have friends who play real life bridge. 1D double means I'm setting 1D, opening 1NT is asking partner to bid their best suit, and heaven forbid that you don't lead the top card of partner's suit! The more advanced ones open 2C with all hands of 19 or more points (yes, they are really advanced because they know a convention! but don't bother with Stayman because nobody knows it, and what if your best suit is clubs?), and some others never ever pass their partner's 1C opening bid which could be made on 7-3-2-1 shape (and no, they are not playing a strong club system.)

So while I appreciate what you are saying, and if you live in a metro area you are probably right, but I'm returning your "FTFY" as some aspiring players need NOT to play live.

[Vampyr]

Kaitlyn S, on 2016-August-30, 19:54, said:

I have friends who play real life bridge. 1D double means I'm setting 1D, opening 1NT is asking partner to bid their best suit, and heaven forbid that you don't lead the top card of partner's suit! The more advanced ones open 2C with all hands of 19 or more points (yes, they are really advanced because they know a convention! but don't bother with Stayman because nobody knows it, and what if your best suit is clubs?), and some others never ever pass their partner's 1C opening bid which could be made on 7-3-2-1 shape (and no, they are not playing a strong club system.)

I meant duplicate or rubber or a game with like-minded friends, not kitchen bridge.

On the other hand I met my husband many years ago on OKBridge when we lived thousands of miles apart, so although I don't play online now, I cannot deny its benefits.

On the other other hand, I recently played in a tournament involving robots, and was unable to commit more mental energy to it than to a game of Candy Crush Saga. Plus putting laundry into the dryer, making a sandwich etc in the middle of a hand really hinders the memory and concentration!

By the way, you are talking about playing team games with a partner, but you do have to find teammates as well.

[Kaitlyn S]

The actual table experience is little different with different teammates. As long as the playing experience is more important than winning matches, teammates matter little. Personally, I'd rather play with a decent partner against two world class opponents and lose 60 IMPS at the other table than play with a clueless and critical partner against two beginners and win by 100.

Also, good for you on your lucky OK BRIDGE find! Some don't have like minded friends close by or competitive games in their area. Some friends of mine played in a club team game against a decent team in round 1 in a very weak bridge area. All eight of us would have preferred to play the same match up all day because it was bridge but as it was Swiss Teams, we had to play against all the kitchen bridge players the rest of the say.

If we hadn't made the fifty mile trek the other decent team would have had no good nstches.

[Vampyr]

Kaitlyn S, on 2016-August-30, 21:36, said:

The actual table experience is little different with different teammates. As long as the playing experience is more important than winning matches, teammates matter little. Personally, I'd rather play with a decent partner against two world class opponents and lose 60 IMPS at the other table than play with a clueless and critical partner against two beginners and win by 100.

But you still have to find he teammates before you can play. How do you do that?

[Kaitlyn S]

When someone starts a team game here, the seats usually fill pretty quickly. Your teammates are dimly two people that sit at the other tabke.

[The_Badger]

hi Kaitlyn,

There's one thing I believe in at the bridge table, especially if you are a better player: nurture your partner

It's actually quite satisfying to be able to improve someone's play by being kind to them. Any half-decent player knows when they have made mistakes, and even if they don't recognise their mistakes, berating them just worsens any partnership.

Yes, errors and mistakes have to be addressed, but there's a way of gently advising players without calling them "An idiot or similar".

Everyone wants to be better at this game, and people have a capacity to learn from the game. Nobody's perfect!