I open 1♦ in first seat, partner responds 1♠, and my RHO overcalls 2♣, after which we somehow get to three notrump. Not much of a problem -- I figure I'll hook the spade since most of the cards should be on my right.
Before the lead, I asked "leads and carding", and they started explaining a very intricate discard system wherein even and odd cards of different colors meant different things. There was no way I could keep it in my head, so I said "I'll ask when it comes up". They agreed that this was a good idea.
My LHO led the 6♥, ducked to RHO's K♥. RHO returns the 2♥, and LHO follows with the 5♥. I still haven't seen the 3♥.
I start running the diamonds, and my LHO's first discard is the 5♠. His next discard is the 2♠, and I remember about their funky discarding agreement. I point to the 2♠ (still on the table), and ask RHO "what does that mean?"
RHO replies "it shows a spade honor".
Thinking now that the spade finesse is off, I place RHO with ♠x ♥Kx ♦xxx ♣KQxxxxx (not much of an overcall, but even so, I don't think LHO would signal for spades holding nothing in spades and looking at ♠QJT9 in dummy).
So I finish the diamonds, lead the Q♠ to the A♠, and play a small ♣ to the J♣, hoping to win two tricks in the forced club return. Of course, RHO produces the 3♥, so I go down a bunch.
It turns out that RHO has overcalled on ♠Kx ♥K32 ♦xxx ♣Qxxxx (!), so the normal spade finesse would score up the game.
I ask about the non-spade honor, and they inform me that the 2♠ was actually meaningless, and that the first spade discard (the 5♠) was the only one that had meaning (it showed a club honor, making the spade finesse about 150%), but of course I hadn't asked about that card.
The directors ruled that even though I asked a very specific question and was lied to, I trapped myself by not asking about the first discard. They said that if I was legally able to ask the question I asked at the table, lazy declarers could use it as a memory aid if they couldn't remember whether someone had followed to the last round of a suit (ask about the discard, and if they say "well it was his second, so it doesn't mean anything", then I know that they didn't follow on the last round).
I pointed out that they could have just said "if it were his first discard, it shows...", in which case I would have asked about the 5♠, but they stuck by their memory-aid argument.
Surely I could have protected myself by asking more questions, but the answer I got was *so* clear, I didn't think I needed to. Thoughts?

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